DISCLAIMER: I've had a 180-degree change of opinion about certain characters, and I finished the book two days ago but it took me that long to write this. Also, don't read this if you dislike swear words.
I HATE THESE CHARACTERS
Rhys (the male lead) makes me cringe harder than miscommunication book tropes. He is capable of two actions, like a mildly impressive Ken doll: 1) sex person and 2) valiant hero trying to kill himself in the name of his friends constantly. Either he is full-on fucking Feyre (Warner and Juliet anyone?) or he must be actively prevented from jumping in front of poisoned weapons with the half-hearted motivation of Heroism To Save My Family (even if it’s not at all clear why doing this would save them, because none of the plans in this book make a lick of sense anyway).
As if this book weren’t fun enough, it rivals the Fast and the Furious franchise for use of the my-real-family-is-the-one-I-made-not-the-one-I-was-born-with cliché. (I still love F&F, but because of the shooting and the speeding and the breaking and entering. This is like removing all the fun adrenaline and leaving the super duper cringy parts)
Like Rhys, Feyre (main character) also manages to find time in her packed schedule of sex scenes and repetitive dialogue to be incredibly, incontrovertibly dumb. For example, when she traps Ianthe (I still maintain that she is a horrible woman) and ties her up or whatever, she spends an unbelievable amount of time indulging an evil-villain-revenge rant. Just enough time for her to be CAUGHT BY THE DAEMATI (a douchey term that pretty much means “species of bad guy”). Y’all, haven’t we learned one thing from superhero or zombie movies? DO NOT PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD. Either run or shoot the captured person, for fuck's sake. Most of these scenes could turn a two-hour film into a 30-minute short. We'd save everyone's time. Isn't that nice?
Speaking of the aforementioned schedule, it’s no wonder that that thing Feyre used to do called “painting” is dropped like a hot potato. She never does it, but it’s mentioned a handful of times in the beginning of the book. And then forgotten. And then, suddenly, almost at the merciful end of this suffering: “The movement so perfect that I knew I’d one day paint it.” We’re still pretending that Feyre paints? Between the same diverse selection of identical sex scenes, identical training scenes, identical war discussion scenes, I don’t think she has time for something so banal as a singular interest or hobby. Idk if we’ll have time; I think she’ll have to get to third base with Rhys in a perfumed bath later.
At least Feyre is brave and strong, though. Which is why she’s “too tired” to do anything after a loooong day of watching other people fight in a battle, followed by Mor winnowing (teleporting) her home. So courageous. How does she do it?
And she starts stressing while watching battles rage on: OMG, we're going to lose and everyone's going to die! Whatever shall I do? GIRL you have more power than the high lords combined, they GAVE you a part of their power. Their wives are also fighting on the battlefield. Why are you just sitting there contemplating the unfairness of life instead of moving your ass and actually doing something useful?
Plus, she’s a brilliant friend. Which is why, when Morrigan confronts her for lying, leaving, making her and everyone else fear she has died and also making Mor responsible for it, Feyre’s response is “OH YA??? WELL YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON AZRIEL AND YOU ALSO LIED TO US ABOUT THAT.”
Truly a depiction of a powerful woman for the ages.
And I don’t get Lucien’s appeal. Do we like him for the same reason we like Draco? Is it an omg-he’s-just-trying-to-do-right-he-didn’t-know-any-better type situation? Because Draco is a child trying to impress a father who doesn’t love him and I still don’t totally buy that. And Tamlin (draco’s dad in this analogy) is not Lucien’s daddy, although...maybe the book can just be a tad more interesting if he were. There is honestly so much more potential to his character, starting with his interesting daddy and brother problems being deeply analyzed. Like, excuse me, you're giving yourself so many chances to make the characters' relationships and lore more interesting, and you turn down every single one?
Cassian and Azriel are both flat and boring—they're the typical hot-headed, hormone-fuelled men that are also horny as fuck. Amren is characterized so inconsistently that it’s impossible for me to know whether I like her or not. (I’m going to say not - seems like a safer bet.) Nesta is almost cool, but the whole I Am Mean And Hard And Damaged thing goes too far and I just start rolling my eyes once she starts showing up. And Elain just floats around and lets things happen to her.
Morrigan, never all that interesting, now has the worst bisexual representation I’ve ever read.
It’s never a good sign when you’re praying for characters to die in battle just so you can catch a fucking break from their conversations.
But guess what. None of them do. Because, of course, they have hidden powers that save everyone, even the hotheads that sacrifice themselves.
THE WRITING SUCKS, ON BOTH A COPYEDITING LEVEL AND A SUBSTANTIVE LEVEL
I truly believe that whatever team of sad sacks was assigned to copyedit this book was physically unable to attentively read it. And I cannot blame them. But it does allow for some hilarious mistakes to make it through these dull, dull pages.
Example: “She did not avert her eyes from the Morrigan.” That pesky “the” makes her seem like a goddess, or someone with a fun nickname, rather than the personification of the worst bi rep ever to grace young adult pages. But we’ll get to that.
There are so many ellipses and dashes and italicizations and...other - ways: of breaking up the TEXT that it actually gave me motion sickness.
Maybe if a copyeditor had found the strength to make it through this book, they could have stopped the way SJM (author) insists on using the term “Hybern.” IT MEANS SO MANY THINGS. “Hybern” is used as the name of the evil king, the word for his people, the name of his kingdom, and the title of the land it’s situated on. That is just...basic bad worldbuilding, no?
Also, a monster creature thing described as having no eyelids narrows its eyes.
And our main characters managed to hire all the powerful powerful magical creatures, Talk about 主角光环. (Protagonist halo, bad translation, I know, but I honestly don't know what else it could be)
In addition“vulgar gesture”is used over. And over. And over again. WHAT DO THESE USES MEAN. WHY DO THEY CONSTANTLY INSPIRE LAUGHTER IN WHATEVER GLORIFIED PROP CHARACTER WHO HAPPENS TO BE NEARBY. IS THIS TACTIC SUPPOSED TO REPLACE ACTUAL JOKES OR BANTER? Because it doesn’t. It just makes me angry, and also confused, which makes me even angrier.
And who thought that was even possible.
WHAT IS THIS ATTEMPT AT HIGH FANTASY LANGUAGE
Except then, y’know, Rhys and Feyre and the Gang are also so hip and cool and up to date that this book uses the word “fuckable,” a word so slang-y that my laptop recognizes it as a typo for “suckable” or “faceable,” whatever the hell those words are.
Otherwise, the only other remarkable attempt at making this any different from the way humans speak in 2017: the use of the word “male.”
Women are sometimes called “females” in this, but are also called women and girls and whatnot. Men, on the other hand, are absolutely only called males. There’s an amazing moment when SJM refers to Rhys as a man, and then instantly, like, corrects herself. So it reads on the page as “man - male -”
It makes no sense. I love it just so so much.
It’s truly the little things.
THE END OF THIS BOOK IS JUST A LISTING OF CLICHES
As the war we’ve waited for two entire books finally arrives, so does the time for motivational speeches and tragic goodbyes and other things that fail to make me feel something, because I feel nothing towards any of the characters.
Nearly every line of dialogue in this section is just a cliché, and so I will put them here, for your perusal and accompanying amusement.
“Leave this world…a better place than how you found it.”
“One life may change the world.”
“I believe everything happens for a reason.”
“It is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters.”
“Light can be found even in the darkest of hells.”
“The great joy and honor of my life has been to know you.”
“I wasn’t sure if in the entire history of Illyria, there had ever been such a discussion.”
Wow. Just so wonderful.
LET’S LAUGH AT DUMB THINGS
The moments when this may or may not be attempting to instill some sort of entertainment or amusement in its reader do not work at all. Luckily, we have something much better: Really dumb stuff.
For example, this passage. Feyre and Rhysand are apart, blah blah blah, it’s the tragedy of the century (or millennium, since these boring ass people live for infinity, because there is no justice in this world). Unsurprisingly, they use their mind control powers for a saintly motivation: sexting. Which is already so hilarious. But it gets even better, because:
“I sent back an image of me sticking out my tongue at him.
My clothes were back on when his answer arrived.
Like mine, it was wordless, a mere image. Like mine, Rhysand’s tongue was out.
But it was occupied with doing something else.”
I choose to interpret this statement the same way a middle schooler interprets the existence of performer Marilyn Manson based on a shady rumor he once heard about surgery to remove three ribs. I believe that this is incontrovertible evidence that Rhysand can suck his own d*ck. WHAT ELSE COULD HE POSSIBLY BE DOING. WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE OCCUPIED WITH. SJM I JUST WANNA TALK.
But just as often as I was making myself laugh by making Rhys my YA fantasy version of Marilyn Manson, I was being equally amused by seemingly innocuous lines. Like when Eris, scary villain/abuser extraordinaire, was bidding The Night Gang adieu and said, “See you at the meeting in twelve days.” I MEAN. WHAT. WHO SPEAKS LIKE THAT. Even dialogue is just an opportunity to force an info dump. You guys, seriously: this book is so poorly written.
LET’S SCREAM ABOUT DUMB THINGS
Sometimes, or most of the time depending on how you look at it, I do not want to laugh at the dumb things. Sometimes I am incapable of it, because this book is an ungodly length (700 or 800 pages IDFK, and it has 82 chapters) and so much of it is long-term stupidity.
Chapter 45, for example. Or “That Meeting in Twelve Days Finally Happens.” Note: it took half of the book to finally get to the meeting that should have set off the battle. Tell me how this author manages to put 12 days into 40 chapters.
Sure, it’s a meeting between high lords to talk about war, but it’s still a sit-down political discussion. And also it’s the same endless, repetitive cycle of insult dialogue feat. Fun moments of The Night Gang (main character and her friends-turned-family) being the least convincing people on the entirety of the Earth.
There’s an especially great moment in that adrenaline-inducing conference. For the 800 pages leading up to it, Rhys is all, “Ok, Feyre. Listen up. Number one thing - just don’t show your powers, k? Long story short the Powerful Men are going to get pissy and then…well y’know these negotiations are the most important thing to happen in hundreds of years, which I should know because I’ve been alive for that long, even though you’re, what, fresh outta adolescence? Anyway just the only thing you should do is not show your powers.” To which Feyre’s response is, “Got it. *shows powers instantly*”
YES. Feyre shows her powers at the meeting!! So quickly!!! She doesn’t even try all that hard, and, as promised, it almost derails the nonstop excitement of this much-anticipated civilized forum! Almost. Except then everything works out, as it always does, by Feyre saying something totally normal, 6/10 at best, and everyone acting like “wow omg...who is this girl...she is so smart and brave and honest and we respect her so much, shes the new leader and we would all treat her like a saint” so that Rhys can be like “that’s my mate lol.”
IRRELEVANT COMPLAINING
At one point, it’s said that “Only a madman would wield the might of his army just to get revenge on three women.” And my question is, why use the word “women”? Why not “people”? Is it more insane if it’s women? Why is that? TELL ME WHY. REALLY I JUST WANNA TALK.
PLOTLINE? WHAT PLOTLINE
This book is just...boring.
There are countless info dumps, which, I mean. There’s no excuse for that in a third book. Even third-grade English teachers told us to show not tell. Please, SJM, go to a school or something before you write anything else.
This was going to be the last book in the series, when there was still hope in the world and I prayed that somehow SJM actually was writing these books for some sort of artistic fulfillment rather than money. How, I ask you, would there still be so much shitty worldbuilding in the last book in a series?
OH YES, THIS BOOK IS DEFINITELY WOKE AND NOT THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF THAT ENTIRELY
This book is all straight people except for LGBT+ relationships based on sex alone, or in an unequal relationship wherein one person has authority over another. (Examples: a high lord whose bisexuality extends purely to the fact that he’s into threesomes; a military captain dating his high lord/commander/boss.)
Plus, there’s bisexuality rep so terrible it took me hours to make it through a handful of pages. But that gets a category of its own.
I also shouldn’t be surprised at the redemption of abusers in this book. Because Tamlin (the guy I was complaining about in my last post), in ACOTAR (book 1), was just a Nice Guy. Fine. But the fangirls loved a certain bad boy guest star with purple eyes. So, instead of creating a love triangle or transitioning between love interests like a normal person, SJM made him into an actual abuser. A villain.
That’s also fine. But you can’t just redeem him like you could redeem the unloved side of a love triangle. Because you made him into a genuinely bad person.
Unfortunately, SJM must have missed that. She must have missed it three times, actually, because Eris also gets redemption (and a throne!). As does his enabler brother, Lucien. Wonderful. And she gave Tamlin the benefit of the doubt. Abuse apologists for the win.
But this book is totally, definitely feminist, right??? I mean, female protagonist! War plotline! It must be, by default! So when Cassian says “I told you that the moment we started letting females into our group, they’d be nothing but trouble”, and woke king Rhys responds, “You actually said you needed a reprieve from staring at our ugly faces, and that some ladies would add some much needed prettiness for you to look at all day.” it’s totally fine!
So it’s an utter shock that this narrative also lives nearly entirely within the bounds of gender roles. Reading about men (Rhys, Cassian, Azriel, all the high lords) fighting in battle while the women (Feyre, Mor, Elain, Nesta, Cresseida, Amren) watch and tend to the wounded later is so refreshing. Doesn’t make me want to blow my brains out at all. With a bow and arrow out of everything, just for a slow slow death.
And no, Mor being assigned to babysit Feyre later on, only heading into battle because Feyre tricks her into fighting so she can sneak away does not make it better, thanks.
This is definitely, certainly the feminist YA fantasy you’ve been waiting for. (Or not)
THE WORST BI REP EVER TO HIT THE SHELVES, WHICH IS INSANE BECAUSE WHEN IS THERE EVER GOOD BI REP
But I haven’t mentioned the most unforgivable thing yet. The thing that actually made me feel real hatred and fury and, worst of all, sadness.
Truly, the worst bisexual representation I have ever read comes in the final chapters of this book. I’ve read a lot of bad bisexual rep. And it’s endlessly upsetting. But none of it felt quite like this.
Apparently, Sarah J. Maas decided in the third book that she wanted to stop getting shit for her heteronormativity. So she decided to take a character who had been established as straight, and make her bi.
So she took this character, Morrigan. She makes Morrigan cry. She writes Morrigan’s impassioned speech to Feyre. This is Morrigan’s coming out, for the first time. Morrigan says that she prefers women. To the point that she is only capable of feeling romantic love for women.
But occasionally, she will force herself to sleep with a man. In order “to keep people from looking too closely.” Instead of telling the man who has been in love with her for centuries that she doesn’t love him back, won’t ever love him back, she forces herself to sleep with men when he’ll know that she’s done it, so that she still seems straight but he’ll know she doesn’t love him.
And the author dubs it bisexuality.
I hate that she felt entitled to use this underrepresented, misunderstood sexuality as a playing piece in her own quest to be well-liked. I hate that the hundreds of thousands of people who read this book have been given this depiction of bisexuality. And I hate that SJM will keep writing wildly successful books. Books in this very series, depicting this character in this way and calling it “bisexuality.”
It’s unfair. It’s awful. And I am never, never, never going to forget that it happened.
Bottom line: I didn’t expect to like this book. But I also didn’t expect it would become one of my least favorite books I’ve ever read.
I’m officially DNFing the series. There's another book that's about 800 pages long, and one more to come. There are also novellas, which I'm not even going to attempt anymore. I never ever DNF book series, this is a first, I got through shatter me for fuck's sake. Maybe the addition of monarchies and magic and wings finally passed the line.
But why, Sophia, did you even finish this one? Because it was so bad that I just had to finish and write a mini essay complaining about it.
Give me more books, I need something to read now. Unless y'all want me spamming analysis of American wars into your Snap feed in the future.
I HATE THESE CHARACTERS
Rhys (the male lead) makes me cringe harder than miscommunication book tropes. He is capable of two actions, like a mildly impressive Ken doll: 1) sex person and 2) valiant hero trying to kill himself in the name of his friends constantly. Either he is full-on fucking Feyre (Warner and Juliet anyone?) or he must be actively prevented from jumping in front of poisoned weapons with the half-hearted motivation of Heroism To Save My Family (even if it’s not at all clear why doing this would save them, because none of the plans in this book make a lick of sense anyway).
As if this book weren’t fun enough, it rivals the Fast and the Furious franchise for use of the my-real-family-is-the-one-I-made-not-the-one-I-was-born-with cliché. (I still love F&F, but because of the shooting and the speeding and the breaking and entering. This is like removing all the fun adrenaline and leaving the super duper cringy parts)
Like Rhys, Feyre (main character) also manages to find time in her packed schedule of sex scenes and repetitive dialogue to be incredibly, incontrovertibly dumb. For example, when she traps Ianthe (I still maintain that she is a horrible woman) and ties her up or whatever, she spends an unbelievable amount of time indulging an evil-villain-revenge rant. Just enough time for her to be CAUGHT BY THE DAEMATI (a douchey term that pretty much means “species of bad guy”). Y’all, haven’t we learned one thing from superhero or zombie movies? DO NOT PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD. Either run or shoot the captured person, for fuck's sake. Most of these scenes could turn a two-hour film into a 30-minute short. We'd save everyone's time. Isn't that nice?
Speaking of the aforementioned schedule, it’s no wonder that that thing Feyre used to do called “painting” is dropped like a hot potato. She never does it, but it’s mentioned a handful of times in the beginning of the book. And then forgotten. And then, suddenly, almost at the merciful end of this suffering: “The movement so perfect that I knew I’d one day paint it.” We’re still pretending that Feyre paints? Between the same diverse selection of identical sex scenes, identical training scenes, identical war discussion scenes, I don’t think she has time for something so banal as a singular interest or hobby. Idk if we’ll have time; I think she’ll have to get to third base with Rhys in a perfumed bath later.
At least Feyre is brave and strong, though. Which is why she’s “too tired” to do anything after a loooong day of watching other people fight in a battle, followed by Mor winnowing (teleporting) her home. So courageous. How does she do it?
And she starts stressing while watching battles rage on: OMG, we're going to lose and everyone's going to die! Whatever shall I do? GIRL you have more power than the high lords combined, they GAVE you a part of their power. Their wives are also fighting on the battlefield. Why are you just sitting there contemplating the unfairness of life instead of moving your ass and actually doing something useful?
Plus, she’s a brilliant friend. Which is why, when Morrigan confronts her for lying, leaving, making her and everyone else fear she has died and also making Mor responsible for it, Feyre’s response is “OH YA??? WELL YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON AZRIEL AND YOU ALSO LIED TO US ABOUT THAT.”
Truly a depiction of a powerful woman for the ages.
And I don’t get Lucien’s appeal. Do we like him for the same reason we like Draco? Is it an omg-he’s-just-trying-to-do-right-he-didn’t-know-any-better type situation? Because Draco is a child trying to impress a father who doesn’t love him and I still don’t totally buy that. And Tamlin (draco’s dad in this analogy) is not Lucien’s daddy, although...maybe the book can just be a tad more interesting if he were. There is honestly so much more potential to his character, starting with his interesting daddy and brother problems being deeply analyzed. Like, excuse me, you're giving yourself so many chances to make the characters' relationships and lore more interesting, and you turn down every single one?
Cassian and Azriel are both flat and boring—they're the typical hot-headed, hormone-fuelled men that are also horny as fuck. Amren is characterized so inconsistently that it’s impossible for me to know whether I like her or not. (I’m going to say not - seems like a safer bet.) Nesta is almost cool, but the whole I Am Mean And Hard And Damaged thing goes too far and I just start rolling my eyes once she starts showing up. And Elain just floats around and lets things happen to her.
Morrigan, never all that interesting, now has the worst bisexual representation I’ve ever read.
It’s never a good sign when you’re praying for characters to die in battle just so you can catch a fucking break from their conversations.
But guess what. None of them do. Because, of course, they have hidden powers that save everyone, even the hotheads that sacrifice themselves.
THE WRITING SUCKS, ON BOTH A COPYEDITING LEVEL AND A SUBSTANTIVE LEVEL
I truly believe that whatever team of sad sacks was assigned to copyedit this book was physically unable to attentively read it. And I cannot blame them. But it does allow for some hilarious mistakes to make it through these dull, dull pages.
Example: “She did not avert her eyes from the Morrigan.” That pesky “the” makes her seem like a goddess, or someone with a fun nickname, rather than the personification of the worst bi rep ever to grace young adult pages. But we’ll get to that.
There are so many ellipses and dashes and italicizations and...other - ways: of breaking up the TEXT that it actually gave me motion sickness.
Maybe if a copyeditor had found the strength to make it through this book, they could have stopped the way SJM (author) insists on using the term “Hybern.” IT MEANS SO MANY THINGS. “Hybern” is used as the name of the evil king, the word for his people, the name of his kingdom, and the title of the land it’s situated on. That is just...basic bad worldbuilding, no?
Also, a monster creature thing described as having no eyelids narrows its eyes.
And our main characters managed to hire all the powerful powerful magical creatures, Talk about 主角光环. (Protagonist halo, bad translation, I know, but I honestly don't know what else it could be)
In addition“vulgar gesture”is used over. And over. And over again. WHAT DO THESE USES MEAN. WHY DO THEY CONSTANTLY INSPIRE LAUGHTER IN WHATEVER GLORIFIED PROP CHARACTER WHO HAPPENS TO BE NEARBY. IS THIS TACTIC SUPPOSED TO REPLACE ACTUAL JOKES OR BANTER? Because it doesn’t. It just makes me angry, and also confused, which makes me even angrier.
And who thought that was even possible.
WHAT IS THIS ATTEMPT AT HIGH FANTASY LANGUAGE
Except then, y’know, Rhys and Feyre and the Gang are also so hip and cool and up to date that this book uses the word “fuckable,” a word so slang-y that my laptop recognizes it as a typo for “suckable” or “faceable,” whatever the hell those words are.
Otherwise, the only other remarkable attempt at making this any different from the way humans speak in 2017: the use of the word “male.”
Women are sometimes called “females” in this, but are also called women and girls and whatnot. Men, on the other hand, are absolutely only called males. There’s an amazing moment when SJM refers to Rhys as a man, and then instantly, like, corrects herself. So it reads on the page as “man - male -”
It makes no sense. I love it just so so much.
It’s truly the little things.
THE END OF THIS BOOK IS JUST A LISTING OF CLICHES
As the war we’ve waited for two entire books finally arrives, so does the time for motivational speeches and tragic goodbyes and other things that fail to make me feel something, because I feel nothing towards any of the characters.
Nearly every line of dialogue in this section is just a cliché, and so I will put them here, for your perusal and accompanying amusement.
“Leave this world…a better place than how you found it.”
“One life may change the world.”
“I believe everything happens for a reason.”
“It is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters.”
“Light can be found even in the darkest of hells.”
“The great joy and honor of my life has been to know you.”
“I wasn’t sure if in the entire history of Illyria, there had ever been such a discussion.”
Wow. Just so wonderful.
LET’S LAUGH AT DUMB THINGS
The moments when this may or may not be attempting to instill some sort of entertainment or amusement in its reader do not work at all. Luckily, we have something much better: Really dumb stuff.
For example, this passage. Feyre and Rhysand are apart, blah blah blah, it’s the tragedy of the century (or millennium, since these boring ass people live for infinity, because there is no justice in this world). Unsurprisingly, they use their mind control powers for a saintly motivation: sexting. Which is already so hilarious. But it gets even better, because:
“I sent back an image of me sticking out my tongue at him.
My clothes were back on when his answer arrived.
Like mine, it was wordless, a mere image. Like mine, Rhysand’s tongue was out.
But it was occupied with doing something else.”
I choose to interpret this statement the same way a middle schooler interprets the existence of performer Marilyn Manson based on a shady rumor he once heard about surgery to remove three ribs. I believe that this is incontrovertible evidence that Rhysand can suck his own d*ck. WHAT ELSE COULD HE POSSIBLY BE DOING. WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE OCCUPIED WITH. SJM I JUST WANNA TALK.
But just as often as I was making myself laugh by making Rhys my YA fantasy version of Marilyn Manson, I was being equally amused by seemingly innocuous lines. Like when Eris, scary villain/abuser extraordinaire, was bidding The Night Gang adieu and said, “See you at the meeting in twelve days.” I MEAN. WHAT. WHO SPEAKS LIKE THAT. Even dialogue is just an opportunity to force an info dump. You guys, seriously: this book is so poorly written.
LET’S SCREAM ABOUT DUMB THINGS
Sometimes, or most of the time depending on how you look at it, I do not want to laugh at the dumb things. Sometimes I am incapable of it, because this book is an ungodly length (700 or 800 pages IDFK, and it has 82 chapters) and so much of it is long-term stupidity.
Chapter 45, for example. Or “That Meeting in Twelve Days Finally Happens.” Note: it took half of the book to finally get to the meeting that should have set off the battle. Tell me how this author manages to put 12 days into 40 chapters.
Sure, it’s a meeting between high lords to talk about war, but it’s still a sit-down political discussion. And also it’s the same endless, repetitive cycle of insult dialogue feat. Fun moments of The Night Gang (main character and her friends-turned-family) being the least convincing people on the entirety of the Earth.
There’s an especially great moment in that adrenaline-inducing conference. For the 800 pages leading up to it, Rhys is all, “Ok, Feyre. Listen up. Number one thing - just don’t show your powers, k? Long story short the Powerful Men are going to get pissy and then…well y’know these negotiations are the most important thing to happen in hundreds of years, which I should know because I’ve been alive for that long, even though you’re, what, fresh outta adolescence? Anyway just the only thing you should do is not show your powers.” To which Feyre’s response is, “Got it. *shows powers instantly*”
YES. Feyre shows her powers at the meeting!! So quickly!!! She doesn’t even try all that hard, and, as promised, it almost derails the nonstop excitement of this much-anticipated civilized forum! Almost. Except then everything works out, as it always does, by Feyre saying something totally normal, 6/10 at best, and everyone acting like “wow omg...who is this girl...she is so smart and brave and honest and we respect her so much, shes the new leader and we would all treat her like a saint” so that Rhys can be like “that’s my mate lol.”
IRRELEVANT COMPLAINING
At one point, it’s said that “Only a madman would wield the might of his army just to get revenge on three women.” And my question is, why use the word “women”? Why not “people”? Is it more insane if it’s women? Why is that? TELL ME WHY. REALLY I JUST WANNA TALK.
PLOTLINE? WHAT PLOTLINE
This book is just...boring.
There are countless info dumps, which, I mean. There’s no excuse for that in a third book. Even third-grade English teachers told us to show not tell. Please, SJM, go to a school or something before you write anything else.
This was going to be the last book in the series, when there was still hope in the world and I prayed that somehow SJM actually was writing these books for some sort of artistic fulfillment rather than money. How, I ask you, would there still be so much shitty worldbuilding in the last book in a series?
OH YES, THIS BOOK IS DEFINITELY WOKE AND NOT THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF THAT ENTIRELY
This book is all straight people except for LGBT+ relationships based on sex alone, or in an unequal relationship wherein one person has authority over another. (Examples: a high lord whose bisexuality extends purely to the fact that he’s into threesomes; a military captain dating his high lord/commander/boss.)
Plus, there’s bisexuality rep so terrible it took me hours to make it through a handful of pages. But that gets a category of its own.
I also shouldn’t be surprised at the redemption of abusers in this book. Because Tamlin (the guy I was complaining about in my last post), in ACOTAR (book 1), was just a Nice Guy. Fine. But the fangirls loved a certain bad boy guest star with purple eyes. So, instead of creating a love triangle or transitioning between love interests like a normal person, SJM made him into an actual abuser. A villain.
That’s also fine. But you can’t just redeem him like you could redeem the unloved side of a love triangle. Because you made him into a genuinely bad person.
Unfortunately, SJM must have missed that. She must have missed it three times, actually, because Eris also gets redemption (and a throne!). As does his enabler brother, Lucien. Wonderful. And she gave Tamlin the benefit of the doubt. Abuse apologists for the win.
But this book is totally, definitely feminist, right??? I mean, female protagonist! War plotline! It must be, by default! So when Cassian says “I told you that the moment we started letting females into our group, they’d be nothing but trouble”, and woke king Rhys responds, “You actually said you needed a reprieve from staring at our ugly faces, and that some ladies would add some much needed prettiness for you to look at all day.” it’s totally fine!
So it’s an utter shock that this narrative also lives nearly entirely within the bounds of gender roles. Reading about men (Rhys, Cassian, Azriel, all the high lords) fighting in battle while the women (Feyre, Mor, Elain, Nesta, Cresseida, Amren) watch and tend to the wounded later is so refreshing. Doesn’t make me want to blow my brains out at all. With a bow and arrow out of everything, just for a slow slow death.
And no, Mor being assigned to babysit Feyre later on, only heading into battle because Feyre tricks her into fighting so she can sneak away does not make it better, thanks.
This is definitely, certainly the feminist YA fantasy you’ve been waiting for. (Or not)
THE WORST BI REP EVER TO HIT THE SHELVES, WHICH IS INSANE BECAUSE WHEN IS THERE EVER GOOD BI REP
But I haven’t mentioned the most unforgivable thing yet. The thing that actually made me feel real hatred and fury and, worst of all, sadness.
Truly, the worst bisexual representation I have ever read comes in the final chapters of this book. I’ve read a lot of bad bisexual rep. And it’s endlessly upsetting. But none of it felt quite like this.
Apparently, Sarah J. Maas decided in the third book that she wanted to stop getting shit for her heteronormativity. So she decided to take a character who had been established as straight, and make her bi.
So she took this character, Morrigan. She makes Morrigan cry. She writes Morrigan’s impassioned speech to Feyre. This is Morrigan’s coming out, for the first time. Morrigan says that she prefers women. To the point that she is only capable of feeling romantic love for women.
But occasionally, she will force herself to sleep with a man. In order “to keep people from looking too closely.” Instead of telling the man who has been in love with her for centuries that she doesn’t love him back, won’t ever love him back, she forces herself to sleep with men when he’ll know that she’s done it, so that she still seems straight but he’ll know she doesn’t love him.
And the author dubs it bisexuality.
I hate that she felt entitled to use this underrepresented, misunderstood sexuality as a playing piece in her own quest to be well-liked. I hate that the hundreds of thousands of people who read this book have been given this depiction of bisexuality. And I hate that SJM will keep writing wildly successful books. Books in this very series, depicting this character in this way and calling it “bisexuality.”
It’s unfair. It’s awful. And I am never, never, never going to forget that it happened.
Bottom line: I didn’t expect to like this book. But I also didn’t expect it would become one of my least favorite books I’ve ever read.
I’m officially DNFing the series. There's another book that's about 800 pages long, and one more to come. There are also novellas, which I'm not even going to attempt anymore. I never ever DNF book series, this is a first, I got through shatter me for fuck's sake. Maybe the addition of monarchies and magic and wings finally passed the line.
But why, Sophia, did you even finish this one? Because it was so bad that I just had to finish and write a mini essay complaining about it.
Give me more books, I need something to read now. Unless y'all want me spamming analysis of American wars into your Snap feed in the future.